The Best Fictional Accounts on Twitter

There are many sound business reasons to use Twitter: connect with customers, monitor brand reputation, float ideas, learn new things, and keep up with trends. But there’s also keeping tabs on what God is up to. I mean it can’t hurt to be a follower. Right? And then you can always keep an eye on Satan (but I’m not sure being a follower is going to win you any points).

Creativity — and humor –abounds on Twitter. So while while you may be following social media mavens, journalists, analysts, companies, and your friends – why not add a few fictional characters to the list? It’s okay laugh now and then. This is by no means a comprehensive list of the amusing fake accounts on Twitter – so please feel free add your own favorite in our comments section.

Dead Famous People:

  • Edgar Allan Poe – “Don’t tell anyone. I egged Stephen King’s house last Halloween.”
  • Mark Twain – “Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party didn’t miss the boat.”
  • Shakespeare – “ I have ever follow’d thee!”
  • Ernest Hemingway – “that was a good old gun.”
  • George Washington – “O Morn ever dawned more favourable than ours did-and no day was ever more clouded than the present!”
  • Thomas Jefferson – “No man will ever carry out of the Presidency the reputation which carried him into it.”
  • Jerry Garcia – “She’s my yo-yo, I’m her string~listen to the birds on the hot wire sing~singing yea, yea, yea, yea, singing thank you for a real good time.”
  • Jesus “We all love eBay in heaven, Amazon is a close second.”
  • Buddha – “Just did 20 pushups. I’m developing buddhapecs.”
  • Hunter S. Thompson – “HuffPo should replace the AP.”
  • Walt Whitman – “By the way, we have no evidence that Walt liked dogs nearly as much as horses. His idea of a pet was a canary.”
  • Benjamin Harrison – “Just back from brisk walk w my daughter Elizabeth. At 4 she is a better glad-hander than I! Candy from the shop @ the circle & cubans for me.”
  • Abraham Lincoln – “Whenever I hear any one arguing for slavery I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.”
  • Jim Morrison – “You are too young to be old.”

Legendary/Literary Characters:

  • Sherlock Holmes – “Well, Mycroft is fatter than ever.”
  • Santa Claus – “But I bet the Great Pumpkin rots when the season is over. I keep going all year long.”
  • Elvis Presley – “Headed down to Walmart with my mama to pick up a Flowbee. The ol’ sideburns are getting a little out of hand. Thankyavrymuch.”
  • Hamlet – “And now the windbag speaks, dispensing his advice like a fishmonger at a hanging.”
  • Frodo – “We have now departed from Lothlorien after recieving a gift from Lady Galadriel…she wants me ;)”


  • Spiderman“Spider friends – go for it”. Ugh, what was I thinking?”
  • Superman – “Talking with Wonder Woman about Lex Luthor.”
  • Batman – “Is brooding.”
  • Wonder Woman – “Why did everything my mother warned me about man’s world have to be true?”
  • Cat Woman – “OK OK I admit it. Catwoman was a horrible movie.”
  • The Joker – “No reason to get a bee in bonnet, doctor.”
  • Two-Face – “This the weekend we are going to finally get the rest of the funding we need.. Unless the new henchmen we hired turn out to be just as bad.”

TV Characters:

  • MacGyver – “WD40…check, Duct Tape…check, Paper Clips….check… darn it….who took my SWISS ARMY KNIFE!!!”
  • Homer Simpson – “I love tomatoes. Yum.”
  • Bender – “You know this Obama guy might be alright, but I’m waiting to see what he does about the robot minimum wage.”
  • Stewie – “Still can’t figure out why dirty diapers turn me on.”
  • Peter Griffin – “Stewie, what did i say about no cameras in meg’s room.”
  • Fry – “The less fortunate get all the breaks.”
  • Hank Hill – “I don’t vote and tell, thank you very much.”
  • Lisa Simpson – “I’m wailing out for the homeless family living out of its car. The Iowa farmer, whose land has been taken away by unfeeling bureaucrats.”
  • Ralph Wiggum – “I ate too much plastic candy.”
  • Stephen Colbert – “Isn’t an agnostic just an atheist without balls?”
  • Peggy Olson – “The weekend was too short, even though it was uneventful. Doesn’t make sense, I know. Guess I’m dreading the workload tomorrow.”
  • Dr. Tobias Funke – “Here’s hoping Katy Perry discovers the woman inside her.”

Movie Characters:

  • Tony Montana – “I apologize to the flamingo, man. You are not a pelican.”
  • Indiana Jones – “Trying to get that chick Lara Croft to be my date to the premiere of my new documentary…she seems like my kind of girl!”
  • Borat – “WTF my cat turned into christian bale and knocked over my lamp.”
  • The Matrix – “Neo: So you’re saying I can dodge bullets…?”

Star Wars:

  • The Emperor – When Obama wins, it will have transpired according to my design.”
  • Darth Vader – “Just found out Fett’s been lying to me. Can’t believe I’ve been hanging out with Boba Berkowitz all these years.”
  • Luke Skywalker – “Crikey, a lot of followers all of a sudden. I see father has become rather active in the past few days. I sense a disturbance in the farce.”
  • Han Solo – “Can someone give me a lift to Tattooine? Don’t ask.”
  • Chewbacca – “hnnnhrrhhh.”
  • Princess Leia – “Hmmm, looks like I’m being followed by some big ol’ spaceship. So tedious. Hiding you-know-what in R2’s curling tong attachment. Ciao!”
  • Yoda – “Really annoying, is it when Facebook keeps breaking. Just about to poke Padme, was I.”
  • Obiwankenobi – “Deep breath. The Force will be with you.”
  • Qui Gon – “Caught one of the younglings with a box of death-sticks. Kids these days. No wonder they all turn to the darkside.”
  • C3P0 – “I’m sorry I say really crappy one liners, it was the way i was programmed, honest!”
  • R2D2 – “*phloork* *doot deet.*”
  • Bobafett – “Alriiiight, I see some green booty action across the room.”
  • Jabba the Hutt – “What a weekend… my head is buzzing… I’m getting to old for these kind of parties.”
  • Darth Sidious – “Dark Lord is back. Now to decide which of the ninkinpoops to choke. As an aside, it sure is hard to type properly with these long nails.”
  • General Grevious – “I’ve got some good ‘he’s so cute’ stories about Anakin Skywalker I discovered in Padme’s Diary.. you would roll.”
  • Admiral Ackbar – “That’s odd, I don’t recall a moon being in this sector on my last visit. Taking the fleet in to investigate.”
  • Stormtrooper MK4 – “The galaxy will fear the return of Jar Jar! I know waht i’m talking about,because I own the secret plans of the Rebels!”
  • Salacious Crumb – “*cackle* no sleep til………BROOKLYN!””

The Solar System:

  • The Sun – ““And I was darkened, and the veil of the temple was rent in the midst.” That must have been one special dude.”
  • Mercury – “What is with all these metal insects crawling around on me? Who sent this crap to me? As the only other planet with life, I blame Earth.”
  • Venus – “So, I was with a “friend” one night, and he kept calling me Ishtar. I mean, come on! Can’t you get my name right?”
  • Earth – “I know that I’m dense, but that doesn’t mean that people have to keep telling me.”
  • The Moon – “Everyone gets so excited when I come between Sol and Earth. What’s that about?”
  • Mars – “WHAT. THE. CRAP! Can’t I get any sleep around here without Earth sending stuff hurtling toward me? Or crashing into my surface? No respect.”
  • Saturn – “Who say’s life as a gas giant isn’t fun and exciting?
  • Jupiter – “I know that seltzer gets out wine, but will it clean off this stain?”
  • Uranus – “So you think my name is funny? You suck.”
  • Neptune – “Every now and again, Pluto crosses my path, and then I’m all alone. I’m a sad, sad gas giant.”
  • Pluto – “I’m sad: people don’t think I’m a planet anymore. Well, screw you, I’m outtahere.”


  • Zombie Attack – “There are a couple of dead bodies in the room. I hurry outside and try to clean myself off. Scared and confused I start to run.”
  • Where’s Waldo? – “Cryogenically Freezing Myself For The Night.”
  • David Hasselhoff (fake) – “Scheduling more plastic surgery.”
  • William Shatner (fake) – “Don’t think I’m unaware of the impact of California’s gay marriage laws on your precious slash fiction. Nimoy and I are close. That’s all.”
  • Condi Rice (fake) – “Damn it, Rove, how many times do I have to explain TiVo to you?!?! (He forgot to record the Browns/Ravens game last weekend.)”
  • Bill Clinton (fake) – “Very SAD day for me…..I really thought I would be back in the White House today. Thanks for nothing Hillary!!!”
  • Steve Jobs (fake) – “Pre presentation jitters.”
  • Abe Vigoda (fake) – “According to my iPhone app I’m still alive.”
  • Michael Bay (fake) – “F’yeah this calculator watch comes in handy trying to figure out a 7% tip.”

5 Responses to “The Best Fictional Accounts on Twitter”

  1. There is a character from Neal Stephenson’s Cryptonomicon named Douglas MacArthur Shaftoe as @DMShaftoe.

    The book is a cult classic for anyone who is a combination of computer geek, hacker, cryptography fan, history buff, business start up, or military.

    @DMShaftoe quotes from the book and responds to any follow with: “you’ve shown tremendous adaptability.”

  2. Excellent. Thanks for addition.

  3. There’s a Lord Voldemort that is extremely entertaining


  4. Reblogged this on Tout ceci est fictif and commented:
    Une des nombreuses listes qu’on peut trouver sur le web. Mais celle-ci me semble particulièrement bien.

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