How to Love Your iPhone more than People


iphonelove

Dear Mobile Phone User:

I know you love it. I can tell by the way you carry it around all the time. The way you lovingly gaze at the screen as if it were a new-born baby – but only better. Even more telling is the way the panic contorts your facial expression when – for that fleeting second – you think you might have lost it

Whew!

It was only in your other pocket. There is a higher power!

But are you sure you’re doing everything possible to express your love for your device? Here are some tips on how to bring your devotion to the next level.

Maintain eye contact with your phone first

Don’t become distracted by other people like friends, family and co-workers. Those types often want acknowledgement of their presence with things like eye contact. But that will mean actually having to lower your phone and look at them – wasting precious moments that you could be downloading a new app, playing Dots or updating your Facebook status.

So don’t give in. A grunt is acknowledgment enough. And if these people become too much of a distraction try the following:

  • Lift the phone higher to cover your face
  • Turn to the left or right and give them your shoulder (or better yet – turn completely around)
  • Lower your head down to the screen so you can’t see the person in front of you
  • Put a glazed, zombie like expression on your face

Use your phone everywhere

Don’t leave your phone out of your life. Make sure it is tethered to you like a leash to a dog. You might be tempted to put it in your purse or – god forbid – leave it at home. Do not do anything so ridiculous.

And remember there is no place you can’t use your phone:

  • At the urinal. Don’t even think about hanging up on your caller when in the rest room. Just prop it on your shoulder, steady it with one hand, and use your free hand to do your business. Make sure to talk louder to disguise the fact that your peeing.
  • At the movies. The glowing screen as you update Twitter or write a Yelp review during the movie might irritate other people, but don’t let that prevent you from including your phone in your film going experience
  • At a restaurant. Why experience a moment of silence with your dining companions when you can immediately fire off a text or blast a few zombies? Your companion will likely be on their phone as well and it is not that uncommon to pass by a table of people all gazing at their phones. Join in!

Never ever be alone

You can’t be with other people all the time, but you can be with your phone all the time. Being alone and undistracted means you have to do things like think or reflect.

Don’t give into the temptation because you might be missing something – a news alert, an email or a new game of Words With Friends. Besides if you’re alone and not looking at your phone you might be forced to talk and meet other people. One thing most of us don’t need is more friends.

Heck, most of us are looking to cut down our Facebook friends!

So make sure to:

  • Walk with your face in your screen. Don’t worry about walking into traffic or bumping into other people. That’s what car brakes and shoulders are for!
  • Sunbathe with your phone. If you hold it just right your phone can shield the sun from your eyes. It’s an amazing device!
  • Drive with your phone on your lap so you can text and even play games at stop lights and in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Don’t worry if you get distracted because the other drivers will kindly remind you with a quick and friendly tap of their horn.

Do you have other advice on how to make your mobile device the center of your life? Please feel free to share!

Links:

10 Signs You Need to Unplug

The Like Button Needs Some Friends

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